The Misguided Adventures Of A Khajiit
by Yrizegle14
Summary: The adventures of a misguided Khajiit.


THE ADVENTURE OF THE KHAJIIT

(sorry that chadok is a completely stupid name but it sounds better than Rostolamulus)

Chadok is ugly. He is a khajiit. This khajiit enjoyed pick-pocketing, stealing, and everything wrong. Moon sugar was always a tasty treat. Often picks it up off of a dead adventurer. Life was simple for the up-right cat thing, until today.

A strange figure walks into the local tavern. A tiny fellow, with long blonde hair. He was pretty freakin ugly. Strangely, he walks up to Chadok.

"Can you spare me some gold?" He said in a whimpering, disturbed voice.

Chadok turns around, surprised. "Leeftof leampin, shlupptyieee." Chadok was obviously drunk on mazte.

"Deutermeugen steuben mishteuben!" Chadok is still drunk.

The old freak grows impatient. " DO YOU HAVE ANY GOLD?!?"

Chadok now pays attention. No longer drunk in a record-breaking 13 seconds. "Why yes sir, I'd be damned if I didn't have some gold to spare. Take some of my earnings."

The ugly freak is greatful. "Thank you sir. My name is Fargoth. I work as a loser in Seyda Neen. I see you have a tail. You have whiskers. What the (happy puppies and rainbows) are you?"

Chadok replies stubbornly, "I'm a Khajiit. A cat man from Elsweyer. What do you want anyway?"

Fargoth replies, "I like you. I'm gonna randomly send you out on a quest!"

Chadok replies eagerly, "Ooh..a random quest! Tell me more!"

"Very well then," says Fargoth. "I've lost my family short sword. I love it so much. But I am a wimp and a failure. Can you get it for me?"

Chadok feels weird, "Where is this short sword?"

Fargoth replies in a fiendish tone, "Hmm.. It's in..um.......GHOSTGATE! That's where it is!"

Chadok feels like he is being fooled. "Why would your family sword be all the way in Ghostghate?!?

"Because!" yells Fargoth. "Uh..It was...stolen! Stolen, by a....scrib! An evil scrib!"

"Um. Ok, i'll find your stupid short sword," Chadok replies due to the fact that he is a gullible little idiot.

Fargoth jumps for joy. " Yipee! Your actually gonna do it! Your sooooo stupid..no no. Your so, brave! Okay off you go now!"

"Why do I get the feeling i'm being tricked?" Chadok thinks. "Oh well. Time to go on the quest!" ( insert fantasy music here )

Chadok ventures out into the unknown lands of Vvardenfell. Now traveling down the road to Balmora, he hears something in the bushes. He readies his weapon for battle.

"Who's in there?" He yells, "Show yourself."

All of the sudden a giant figure jumps out so fast that Chadok can't see him. He turns around to see nothing but a naked Nord. Yes, a naked Nord.

No he was'nt like the rest. He was literally naked.

Chadok is disgusted. "Who are you and why in Vivec's name are you naked?!?"

" I am naked! I....am....naked? Oh my god i'm naked! Why am I naked?!?

Chadok offers the stupid Nord a pair of pants and a Thieves guild members' T-shirt.

"Why thank you," retarded Nord man replies. "My name is Borschte. I'm a nord. A proud ruler of a part of Solthseim called Thirsk, until now."

Chadok is curious, " What do you mean _until now_?"

The Nord saddens, " I ruled Thirsk until the Uderfrykte monster attacked. Now its ruled by some stupid cat thingy. I want to split his head in half with my mighty axe!

Chadok suddenly remembers something. " Hey I rule Thirsk! I got halfway into the Bloodmoon main quest and I became chieftain!"

The nord is furious. "You.....SON OF A ( jumping bunnies and a summer picnic in the sun ) YOU STOLE MY MEAD HALL! I SHALL KILL YOU SCUM!

Borschte thrusts his mighty axe but misses, and Chadok comes back and slashes through Borschte's spleen ( his health meter is low!)

"OOOHHH.......MY POOR INNOCENT GALLBLADDER!!! OH MY PRECIOUS SPLLEENNNN.....Ughhhh.." Borschte is dead. My guess is that it hurts...

Chadok is now at Ald Ruhn. Almost at Ghostghate. Traveling around town, looking for the local tavern. Wait! He sees something!

"I think I see a tavern! Yippee!!!!" The bastard yells with joy.

But something strange he sees in the distance. He looks to the left and sees a building with a door shaped like a tree. It's the mage's guild. A typical door style for a group of stupid tree-hugging hippies.

He walks in and sees the mages sitting down in a circle playing guitars and singing about the clouds. All of the sudden they turn their heads at Chadok.

"Intruder,intruder,intruder alert," the stupid hippies chant. "We must kill the intruder! If killing intruders is wrong then I don't wanna be right!"

Fortunately hippies suck, especially with combat.

"We can win if we stand in a line to make a human fence of peace so he can't harm us," the hippies form a line.

Chadok takes out his mighty short blade and shoves it into a nearby tree, sucking all of the hippie's life force.

"No...No..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The hippie mages all blow up. Yay..

"Time for me to go to that tavern," Chadok says in relief. "Damn hippies."

Chadok is now at the Rat in the Pot tavern in Ald Ruhn.' Once a good khajiit, now a drunk khajiit. Great! Now he's drunk. He'll just have to rent a bed at the inn. So Chadok walks into this, inn. He slowly steps towards the bed-keeper.

" Well, is it ok if I, rent a, room?" Chadok says slowly.

The manager looks at this feline fool and replies, "Well of course you may have a room for 10 gold pieces mr sir."

"Ok. Alright. Sure. Sounds good. I'm tired. I need a bed. Because I am tired. Yes. I am tired. Tired like a man who...is tired."

Of course he only used this room to secretly get high on moon sugar and skooma. Then he passed out and went to sleep. He's having ones of those, dramatic dreams you always see in horror movies.

"Chadok........Chaaaaaaddddddokkkkkkk...." Mysterious thingy whispered. "A traaaappp is wwwaaaaiiittiing ffor yyoouuu at Ghooossstghaate. The liiiiiiitttllee (babis playing in the morning blossom) fffaaarrggoothhh isss wwaaiittiinngg ffor youuuu thheerrreee..... Yoooouuuu mmuussttt kkillllll fffaarrggootthhh.."

"How?!?" Chadok asks. "How do you suggest I kill him?"

" Wwweeeellllll, iitt'ss qquuiittee eeeaassyyy. Oh forget it this is stupid. Look. The stupid little midget wants to kil you ALRIGHT?!? He is waiting for you at the Ghostghate shrine with an army of daedra."

"Daedra?"

"Yes, daedra."

"Daedra, not Dwemer?"

"YES! YOU STUPID LITTLE (caring individual)!"

"Ok.."(frown)

"All you gotta do to kill him and his daedra is to repeatedly hack at them with a sword. That usually does it."

"Ok, well, bye bye mysterious thingy."

"Bye Chadok."

Chadok is now highly anticipating this ambush. He hates Fargoth, you hate Fargoth. So of course, Fargoth shall die. Chadok is now at the entrance to Red Mountain. He readies his mighty blade and charges into the mighty mountain.

"Come here you little buggar!" Chadok yells with excitement. "Your daedra can't possibly kill me. I killed Dagoth Ur in the Main quest!"

It was quiet. Too quiet. Oh so quiet.

"Heheheheheheheheheheeeeeeeeee................." Chadok hears in the distance.

"I kneeeeeeeewwww you were to fall for my traaapppp...." Fargoth appears right behind him.

Chadok is angry. "I came all the way to (beautiful luscious fantastic) Ghostghate for this. You stupid elf!

"Enough talk," said Fargoth. " I will summon my eeevvvviillll minions! DIEEEEEE!!!!!!

Retarded elf summons his army. OH NO IT'S THE...........homeland security?

Fargoth is confused. Chadok is confused. "Why are you guys here?"

"We are the homeland security agency of Ald Ruhn. We've come to arrest Fargoth for being a terrorist. Come stupid elf. Time to go to jail."

"Chadok is dissatisfied. He wanted to kill the wood elf. Sigh for him. Well, it's time to go home.

(_By the way,the naked nord **was essential **to the plot_.)


End file.
